What does your favorite Vine say about you?

Jeffrey Xiong

1. Adam! 

You are stubborn to a fault but generally reliable to those around you. You also tend to be carried in every class, but everyone owes you a favor so it’s alright. A plain style suits you best, and this year is a great opportunity to go minimalistic! Watch out for those sneaky “Chris is that a weed people”; you two will never get along. This year will be full of extreme highs and depressing lows so be prepared for a wild ride!


2. Road work ahead

You are a perfectionist in everything. However you’re also super impatient and tend to take unnecessary risks, but it somehow works out — supposedly — because you seem to always have an insane amount of energy. Get funky with your outfits; grab the first three things you see in the morning and make it work. Avoid people who enjoy the Chili’s dude because you’ll always fight with no end in sight. This year will be quite boring for you, but watch out for sudden changes — and take initiative!


3. And they were roommates

You looooove getting the tea on everyone and everything, and yet you never have tea of your own. It may be because you hang out with wholesome people or you are just oblivious that you are the center of the Tea. Though you may be an exceptional writer and good with all words, you suffer at the hands of math 24/7. You’ll follow popular trends this year and while others may call you basic, you’ll look damn good while doing so. If you ever meet an “American exblain” person, run away because one of you is going to end up in the hospital after that encounter. Unfortunately, you’ll have a hard time this year so be sure to lean on the people around you for help! 


4. I ain’t got no sleep cause of y’all

You are either on caffeine, Red Bull, crack, or a combination of all three because you are super hyper every single moment. You are sometimes overconfident and arrogant, and ready to throw hands 25/8. Be sure to dress in bright colors to stand out: both as a warning sign to the world and because you’ll look fabulous while enacting your vengeance upon those who have wronged you. This year will be close to great for you but watch out for a major calamity that’ll strike! (probably from those pesky “I smell like beef” enthusiasts). 


5. Can I get a waffle?

You are Patrick the Starfish as a person, just a tad bit smarter. You are incredibly chill about everything to a fault and have probably missed a final before because you slept in that day. Somehow you are always awake at 4 in the morning but are taking a phat nap whenever someone tries to text you. Dress in mellow, pastel colors and you’ll shine all day! Make sure to never talk to people who enjoy “It’s Wednesday my dudes” because they’ll snake you 🐍🐍, which may cause some waves this year, but you’ll make amazing memories with your true, close friends!


6. It’s Wednesday, my dudes

You are surprisingly smart even if no one can tell at first glance, usually because you are busy cussing out someone or something all the time. You become super emotional outside of school either  crying into a tub of ice cream or screaming at the sky with no in between. You have massive wild energy and would be the most likely out of the vines to jump into a dumpster if you get paid a dollar. Your energy will vibe well with crazy cool outfits from thrift shops so don’t be afraid to express yourself! Don’t trust people who enjoy the “waffle house” vine — they’ll betray you first chance they get. Otherwise, this year should be a blast!


7. 2 dudes sitting in a hot tub

You are the mom friend of the group and are always looking to help someone out. Although you don’t really get memes that much, you enjoy looking at them with your friends because you’re all having a good time. Enjoy dressing in comfy clothes and being able to nap comfortably throughout the day; looking fashionable shouldn’t be at the top of the priorities list. People who enjoy “Hurricane Tortilla” will frustrate you lots throughout the year. This year will be tough, not academically but socially, and since you are easily troubled and tend to brood about yourself when you’re left alone, be sure to take time to be your own mom friend once in a while. 


8. Hurricane Tortilla

There is no inbetween for you: you are either a full-on goth, a fob, or a semi-dedicated hypebeast. You do things to the fullest extent and go all out, and even if things never turn out exactly as planned, you enjoy the process far more than the result. Whenever you have free time, you are always thinking about plans and things to do, but in actuality you never follow through with any of them. Try not to hang around people who enjoy the “2 dudes sitting in a hot tub” vine because they’ll drag you down all year. This year will be an upwards ride all year — so hang on tight and enjoy it!


9. Chris is that a weed

You are either in Robotics, FBLA, or Speech and Debate. You do well enough in your classes to make your parents happy, but spend the rest of your time looking at dreamy photos of Michael from VSauce or listening to the soothing voice of Salman Khan. You are, as the kids call it, kind of a “padder”, though you will probably end up either in jail for tax fraud or the head of a major tech company. You dress like Steve Jobs because you own no other clothes — and let’s be real, why would you need anything else? Stay far, far away from people who are named Adam because you don’t want to catch their illiteracy — and their stubbornness. This year will be mostly uneventful for you — but you will have a great stroke of luck near the end!


10. Welcome to chili’s

You have enormous VSCO energy, beginning back before VSCO was even a thing. However, you also get incredibly salty whenever someone says you have VSCO energy because you have never even used VSCO. Stay true to yourself and hold onto that aesthetic because no one will ever do it better than you. You never text anyone back on time, but it’s alright because no one texts you anyways. People who enjoy “Road work ahead” are not your friends; you’ll get maddened by their rash decisions that they will immediately blame on you. Overall, your year will start off poor, but your hard work and  good fortune will make your year great!


11. America exblain

You are obsessed with cleanliness all the time and carry 2 packets of Asian tissues, a mini-box of wet wipes, and a bottle of hand sanitizer and insist on reorganizing things in the name of feng shui all the time.. You are incredibly punctual when it comes to school and have never turned in anything late — and would probably die if you did. You like to wear super retro clothes that you find — and then dry clean 3 times — from Goodwill. “And they were roommates” loving folk will drive you crazy and you’ll throw hands even if it’ll make your hands messy. The first half of this year will give you hope but second semester will destroy you so: be prepared.


12. I smell like beef

You are always awake at any hour of the day, surviving on pure willpower and spite against a world you view as fundamentally cruel and wrong. You are probably a vegan because you once saw an animal that was too cute and will now die for animal rights. Dressing in accordance to your values will bring you both internal strength and external coolness. Your vocal personality will bring you into conflict with the aggressive people who ain’t got no sleep because of you. You’ll be beaten back a lot throughout the year but remember your passion to persevere through.